There's been a lot of news this week (or at least a lot of postings by friends of mine on social media), that this is the one-year anniversary of Minnesota's Marriage Equality law being passed.
It's appropriate, then, that in the past few weeks Christopher and I have been to two different weddings, each of which had two grooms. Christopher likened this to the way that all of our straight friends got married in their twenties - because they could - so now our gay friends are doing the same.
But the two weddings were truly different from each other. The first was for a couple who have been together for 14 years. The ceremony and reception took place at a downtown hotel, and it was all kind of laid back, yet a little slick (in a good way). The ceremony was kind of non-traditional, with some laughs amidst the seriousness, and it was followed by a cocktail hour, then dinner and dancing. The crowd was probably about 60-80% gay men (I'm guessing on the higher end, really), and it was very fun.
The second wedding - also very fun - was much more traditional. The service took place in a church, then photos were taken before everyone piled into cars to drive to a hotel in downtown St. Paul where the reception took place. Once at the hotel, there was a cocktail hour, also followed by dinner and dancing. This time, however, the crowd was about 95% straight. Which made it feel even more "traditional" than the one the week before.
There's no question about it - the weddings matched the personalities of the couples. After all, no one ever said that gay men were all the same, so why should their weddings be? And, for that matter, there's nothing that says that all gay or lesbian couples have to have a wedding, either. Although, the fact that they can added a really fun aspect to the first wedding: meeting a bunch of men who were identifying their significant others as "husbands" - which couldn't have happened a year ago.
Which is where things got a little funny at the second wedding reception. I was sitting next to a very fun couple, and after the husband found out that I'm in a relationship with Christopher, he asked when we were going to get married. He might have said "if", but I'm pretty sure it was "when" - and it felt like "WHEN????" Mind you, this is someone I had just met. Nice enough guy. Charming wife. Aside from that, I didn't know him from Adam.
So I said that Christopher and I haven't really talked about it, which (because it's true) is our usual answer, and which usually gets people to say "oh" and then go on to something different. But he asked "Why not?" so I explained that there are a lot of financial implications for two people (of any orientation) who are in their forties and decide to get married. He obviously wanted a better answer.
So I explained: We're not fresh-out-of-college 20-somethings who are lovestruck and excited about the new freedom. We're not a together-for-40-years couple who are beginning to look at the serious healthcare and end-of-life decisions which can only be made by spouses. We're 40-somethings with financial baggage and responsibilities which we have to consider. And, at least for now, we've been together for 8.5 years and are happy the way things are - just like a number of our friends, both gay and straight.
Again, I'm used to people kind of letting that sink in and saying "That's cool. It's good to think those things through and not rush into anything just because you can." But he didn't say that. He looked me square in the eye and said "But that's why we fought so hard to push this through the legislature. It's why we spent all that time on the phone with people and did all that lobbying. We did all that work for people like you, so that you could get married." There was no mistaking the implication that he meant "so that you would get married" instead of "so you could get married."
I just kind of looked at him and shook my head and reiterated, "The option is incredible. But we just haven't really talked about it." I could tell he was crestfallen. It was like when you disappoint your favorite teacher and get a lower grade than you should have and you have to deal with that "You could have done better" look as your paper is handed to you. But at least the conversation ended. And for the rest of the night we were back to smalltalk and celebrating the couple of the evening.
And, while Christopher and I have totally spent a little time after each wedding saying things like "I don't ever want to do X" or "I really liked Y", we still aren't having any big conversations about it. And, yes, that's perfectly fine.
Which brings us to my book club this week. I was talking about the two weddings (we had read Bridget Jones's Diary, which talks about relationships and "smug married people," so it sort of fit in), and I told the story of the guy from the second wedding. Everyone at book club looked at me and said "But the law means that you can get married - not that you have to get married." And I realized two things, then and there:
1) In my book club - as in my life - I am surrounded by really smart, cool people.
2) Sometimes simply having a choice is the most important part of life, and I'm really glad to live in a state where I have one more than I did just a little over a year ago.
Want to know how I was feeling about all of this last year? Check out A Question I Never Really Expected and/or Newly Minted Possibilities.
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
Monday, May 12, 2014
Movie Monday - R.I.P.D.
You know those times when someone you watch movies with says to you "I saw that. Don't waste your time on it." But you already have it at home from Netflix? That happened to us a couple of weeks ago.
We'd had "R.I.P.D." at home for a couple of months, actually, and just never gotten around to watching it. When some friends were over for dinner and a movie, we put that out as an option, and it was immediately panned. The actual description came down to "If you watch the first ten minutes and don't already hate it, then you might be okay."
So, this weekend, when Christopher and I were hanging out and trying to decide what to watch - but weren't sure how well we'd be able to pay attention, what with both of us feeling less than well - we pulled it out.
It's a fairly basic premise: Cop dies just after doing something bad. Gets sent to purgatory with a sentence of 100 years of service in exchange for a clean slate and a ticket "upstairs." Of course, he's paired with a crotchet-y partner and they don't get along well, and buddy-cop hilarity ensues.
I'll admit that I put it onto my Netflix queue because it stars Ryan Reynolds. And, yes, he looks pretty good in the movie. And it has a decent supporting cast, really cool special effects, and a premise which is very easy to follow (because, of course, we've seen most of it before).
Was it the best movie we've seen? God, no.
Was it worth watching on a weekend when we didn't have anything to do and wanted to watch something we didn't have to care about? Yes.
Was it a case of low expectations delivering a better outcome? Definitely.
Overall score? C. Really... It's a mediocre movie, but even mediocre movies have their time and place.
We'd had "R.I.P.D." at home for a couple of months, actually, and just never gotten around to watching it. When some friends were over for dinner and a movie, we put that out as an option, and it was immediately panned. The actual description came down to "If you watch the first ten minutes and don't already hate it, then you might be okay."
So, this weekend, when Christopher and I were hanging out and trying to decide what to watch - but weren't sure how well we'd be able to pay attention, what with both of us feeling less than well - we pulled it out.
It's a fairly basic premise: Cop dies just after doing something bad. Gets sent to purgatory with a sentence of 100 years of service in exchange for a clean slate and a ticket "upstairs." Of course, he's paired with a crotchet-y partner and they don't get along well, and buddy-cop hilarity ensues.
I'll admit that I put it onto my Netflix queue because it stars Ryan Reynolds. And, yes, he looks pretty good in the movie. And it has a decent supporting cast, really cool special effects, and a premise which is very easy to follow (because, of course, we've seen most of it before).
Was it the best movie we've seen? God, no.
Was it worth watching on a weekend when we didn't have anything to do and wanted to watch something we didn't have to care about? Yes.
Was it a case of low expectations delivering a better outcome? Definitely.
Overall score? C. Really... It's a mediocre movie, but even mediocre movies have their time and place.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
When the To-Do List isn't To-Done
Today was an odd day, as far as my to-do list went.
Christopher - though still not up to par - went with me to a Matisse exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. And it was amazing. But it was also exhausting for him (his first time out of the house, really, since our trip to Urgent Care on Wednesday night). So after that I dropped him off at home and went about the rest of the days errands.
There was some shopping in need of being done at the grocery store. And a coupon to use at Sur la Table. And some yard stuff we needed from our neighborhood Ace Hardware (because we try to shop at Ace more than Home Depot whenever possible). And I came home and checked in and then sent Christopher off to a nap.
While he did that, I put down the crab grass preventer/yard fertilizer and put the "cages" around our peonies. And then drove to one of the nearby garden centers to see if they had the things we want for our summer plantings. (They didn't. Well... they had one thing out of about five. So there will be more shopping in the next few weeks.)
Did I get my book read for Monday night's book club? No.
Did I get any of the baking done (two different items, both needing to be done by Monday)? No. (Although I did haul everything up from the basement in preparation for it.)
Did I write letters or catch up on email or any kind of correspondence? No.
But I did get quite a list of things done. On top of the errands, I also washed dishes and made dinner and walked the dog in a not-quite-shower. So I know I did things. I can tell by looking around. So why do I feel like I got so little done?
Christopher - though still not up to par - went with me to a Matisse exhibit at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts. And it was amazing. But it was also exhausting for him (his first time out of the house, really, since our trip to Urgent Care on Wednesday night). So after that I dropped him off at home and went about the rest of the days errands.
There was some shopping in need of being done at the grocery store. And a coupon to use at Sur la Table. And some yard stuff we needed from our neighborhood Ace Hardware (because we try to shop at Ace more than Home Depot whenever possible). And I came home and checked in and then sent Christopher off to a nap.
While he did that, I put down the crab grass preventer/yard fertilizer and put the "cages" around our peonies. And then drove to one of the nearby garden centers to see if they had the things we want for our summer plantings. (They didn't. Well... they had one thing out of about five. So there will be more shopping in the next few weeks.)
Did I get my book read for Monday night's book club? No.
Did I get any of the baking done (two different items, both needing to be done by Monday)? No. (Although I did haul everything up from the basement in preparation for it.)
Did I write letters or catch up on email or any kind of correspondence? No.
But I did get quite a list of things done. On top of the errands, I also washed dishes and made dinner and walked the dog in a not-quite-shower. So I know I did things. I can tell by looking around. So why do I feel like I got so little done?
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Tales from Triage
Christopher and I spent a couple of hours at Urgent Care last night, making sure that the sinus/cold thing that is hanging out in the house wasn't anything more than that. (Happily, it's not. I mean... it's nasty, but at least it's just nasty and not worse.) We checked the wait times before we left home, so we knew it was going to be at least an hour, but that didn't really prepare us for the waiting room. Or the almost 2-hour wait.
You see, the waiting room at Urgent Care is used for triage - you take a number, get checked in, and then if you're not urgently urgent, you take a seat and wait your turn. I've only ever seen one person get sent to the front of the line, and I'm pretty sure he had an almost-severed finger.
So, last night, while Christopher was being forced to wear a facemask to keep his coughs in check, I was reading a book and watching the triaged crowd around the room.
The most obviously intriguing person was the guy who was probably in his 20s and seemed to be there with his mom. He had one foot up on the bench seat next to him and one of his toes was wrapped in tissue. (The other foot was in a Croc clog, but I can't fault him for that given the circumstances.) We heard from the doctor, later, that there may have been an issue with a speaker and "fireworks," which resulted in that toe's visit to Urgent Care.
There were a couple of small kids who were kind of hilarious - probably about 1 and 2 years old - very chatty and wanting to walk around and look at everything. I cannot imagine what it must be like to keep two little kids occupied in a hospital waiting room.
I have to admit that I was a little freaked out by the older woman who was brought in on a borrowed wheelchair because of a fall in her home. She had a scrape on her forehead, but the major issue was her knee - which she pointed out to the nurse was an artificial knee - which she had obviously done some serious damage to, because it was swelling and all sorts of purple. Oddly, though, the thing that most bugged me about her was her husband (I assume), who kept basically wanting to just leave her to deal with everything on her own.
But my favorite person in the room - from the point of having someone to watch - was the woman who stood up, walked over to a guy simply holding his cellphone in his hand, and told him that she wanted him to stop filming her. He looked up and said "I'm not doing that... This phone doesn't even have a camera..." (From where I was sitting, I'm pretty sure it didn't. It looked like it had less tech than my flip phone.) But that wasn't good enough for her. She proceeded to report him to the nurses on duty, who - I'm guessing due to some kind of duty - found someone else to come check out what was going on by walking stealthily by and stealing glances at the guy and his phone. The paranoid woman walked over and sat down on the other side of the room, with people between them, but kept looking at the guy. Then she paced. Then she sat down on his side of the room, again (which I really don't understand), before storming off to sit in the waiting room that is closer to the exam rooms. At which point the guy just kind of shrugged and kept on about his own business while kind of watching American Idol.
Eventually, Christopher got seen by a doctor. And by the time we walked out the Urgent Care doors were closed and there were just a few people left in the room. Obviously, we couldn't ask what happened to any of our co-waiters. I have to admit, though, that I kind of want to know what happened to each of the other people.
You see, the waiting room at Urgent Care is used for triage - you take a number, get checked in, and then if you're not urgently urgent, you take a seat and wait your turn. I've only ever seen one person get sent to the front of the line, and I'm pretty sure he had an almost-severed finger.
So, last night, while Christopher was being forced to wear a facemask to keep his coughs in check, I was reading a book and watching the triaged crowd around the room.
The most obviously intriguing person was the guy who was probably in his 20s and seemed to be there with his mom. He had one foot up on the bench seat next to him and one of his toes was wrapped in tissue. (The other foot was in a Croc clog, but I can't fault him for that given the circumstances.) We heard from the doctor, later, that there may have been an issue with a speaker and "fireworks," which resulted in that toe's visit to Urgent Care.
There were a couple of small kids who were kind of hilarious - probably about 1 and 2 years old - very chatty and wanting to walk around and look at everything. I cannot imagine what it must be like to keep two little kids occupied in a hospital waiting room.
I have to admit that I was a little freaked out by the older woman who was brought in on a borrowed wheelchair because of a fall in her home. She had a scrape on her forehead, but the major issue was her knee - which she pointed out to the nurse was an artificial knee - which she had obviously done some serious damage to, because it was swelling and all sorts of purple. Oddly, though, the thing that most bugged me about her was her husband (I assume), who kept basically wanting to just leave her to deal with everything on her own.
But my favorite person in the room - from the point of having someone to watch - was the woman who stood up, walked over to a guy simply holding his cellphone in his hand, and told him that she wanted him to stop filming her. He looked up and said "I'm not doing that... This phone doesn't even have a camera..." (From where I was sitting, I'm pretty sure it didn't. It looked like it had less tech than my flip phone.) But that wasn't good enough for her. She proceeded to report him to the nurses on duty, who - I'm guessing due to some kind of duty - found someone else to come check out what was going on by walking stealthily by and stealing glances at the guy and his phone. The paranoid woman walked over and sat down on the other side of the room, with people between them, but kept looking at the guy. Then she paced. Then she sat down on his side of the room, again (which I really don't understand), before storming off to sit in the waiting room that is closer to the exam rooms. At which point the guy just kind of shrugged and kept on about his own business while kind of watching American Idol.
Eventually, Christopher got seen by a doctor. And by the time we walked out the Urgent Care doors were closed and there were just a few people left in the room. Obviously, we couldn't ask what happened to any of our co-waiters. I have to admit, though, that I kind of want to know what happened to each of the other people.
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Fighting the Mediocre Fight
Someone in the house (who is not me or the dog) is currently dealing with a massive sinus/cold illness. The kind of thing that results in coughing jags and a stuffed up head and full body aching.
Unfortunately, it's the kind of thing brought on by: springtime allergies, stress, not enough sleep, and/or proximity to others with the same ailment.
I might just happen to have some chronic seasonal allergies. I might also, possibly, be a little down on the amount of sleep I've been getting lately - which in my world occasionally causes stress. And... umm... if one of us is already sick, and we live in the same house, there's a good chance that that "proximity" thing might be a possibility as well.
So I am taking extra Vitamin C. And yesterday for lunch I went out and got myself a fairly healthy (for me, at least) wrap with actual vitamin-carrying vegetables in it.
But I also want to try to help someone else in the house feel better, so that proximity issue keeps getting in the way of being really healthy.
Here's hoping that my wall o' defenses - and a positive attitude - can keep me healthy enough so that the proximity alarms don't start going off.
If you don't hear from me in a couple of days, please send chicken soup, Halls honey-lemon cough drops, and a note to my work explaining that I can't come in because I'm on the couch wrapped in a big comfy robe watching cartoons.
Unfortunately, it's the kind of thing brought on by: springtime allergies, stress, not enough sleep, and/or proximity to others with the same ailment.
I might just happen to have some chronic seasonal allergies. I might also, possibly, be a little down on the amount of sleep I've been getting lately - which in my world occasionally causes stress. And... umm... if one of us is already sick, and we live in the same house, there's a good chance that that "proximity" thing might be a possibility as well.
So I am taking extra Vitamin C. And yesterday for lunch I went out and got myself a fairly healthy (for me, at least) wrap with actual vitamin-carrying vegetables in it.
But I also want to try to help someone else in the house feel better, so that proximity issue keeps getting in the way of being really healthy.
Here's hoping that my wall o' defenses - and a positive attitude - can keep me healthy enough so that the proximity alarms don't start going off.
If you don't hear from me in a couple of days, please send chicken soup, Halls honey-lemon cough drops, and a note to my work explaining that I can't come in because I'm on the couch wrapped in a big comfy robe watching cartoons.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Go Out and Do... Something
You might, possibly, have heard me mention recently that the weather has been a little crappy around here. Granted, we haven't been dealing with major flooding or landslides or any of the really horrible things that have been going on around the country (and world), but it has been a pretty nasty spring.
It's been so cold that I haven't even worn shorts yet. At all. Not even around the house. And it rained so much last week that we didn't see the sun for almost 5 days.
Even so, I've been starting to get excited about getting out in the yard. The lilac bush is starting to bud. The peonies we planted last year are pushing up around the house. Everything is delayed, but it's starting.
And, after last week's rain, we finally got sun this weekend. This is what we needed to get things moving. It was perfectly timed to get me out in the yard to start thinking about plantings and maybe do the first round of yard preparation.
Except that we spent most of the weekend at some friends' wedding. Last week, I fully admit, I was looking at the forecasts and thinking "If only it can be sunny for their wedding day..." and - happily - it was. The sun was out and the rain stopped, and people were able to get in and out of the church without umbrellas. Photos were taken on the church steps. People arrived at the reception a tad windblown, but dry. It was great.
But when we got home I really wanted to go play in the yard. I wanted to plant something. I walked around to see what was coming up and what I might need to replace. Pasque flowers? check. Poppies? check. Clematis? check - maybe. Plant pots at the front of the walk? Oh... right... we decided last week that we should paint those.
Finally. An outside task!
I'm happy to say that along with putting a coat of paint on the planting pots, I also spent time sweeping out the garage, taking the winter cover off of the air conditioner, and setting out the hoses. All-in-all, it was probably a good hour's worth of outdoor work - even without any actual planting. Luckily, next weekend we've got some free time. If the weather cooperates, the yard might start to look like spring, yet - maybe even before summer.
It's been so cold that I haven't even worn shorts yet. At all. Not even around the house. And it rained so much last week that we didn't see the sun for almost 5 days.
Even so, I've been starting to get excited about getting out in the yard. The lilac bush is starting to bud. The peonies we planted last year are pushing up around the house. Everything is delayed, but it's starting.
And, after last week's rain, we finally got sun this weekend. This is what we needed to get things moving. It was perfectly timed to get me out in the yard to start thinking about plantings and maybe do the first round of yard preparation.
Except that we spent most of the weekend at some friends' wedding. Last week, I fully admit, I was looking at the forecasts and thinking "If only it can be sunny for their wedding day..." and - happily - it was. The sun was out and the rain stopped, and people were able to get in and out of the church without umbrellas. Photos were taken on the church steps. People arrived at the reception a tad windblown, but dry. It was great.
But when we got home I really wanted to go play in the yard. I wanted to plant something. I walked around to see what was coming up and what I might need to replace. Pasque flowers? check. Poppies? check. Clematis? check - maybe. Plant pots at the front of the walk? Oh... right... we decided last week that we should paint those.
Finally. An outside task!
I'm happy to say that along with putting a coat of paint on the planting pots, I also spent time sweeping out the garage, taking the winter cover off of the air conditioner, and setting out the hoses. All-in-all, it was probably a good hour's worth of outdoor work - even without any actual planting. Luckily, next weekend we've got some free time. If the weather cooperates, the yard might start to look like spring, yet - maybe even before summer.
Friday, May 2, 2014
When You Care Enough... or Whatever
Over the past two days, I've spent at least three and a half hours at my job making sure that the hyphens and en-dashes were used correctly. Or, if not exactly correctly, at least consistently.
Last year, while visiting friends in Dallas, I actually had a discussion about this very topic with a friend of mine. We agreed that although... yes... the two types of punctuation are definitely different, and... yes... they do have their purposes, we've never really cared that much about them.
Mainly, I don't care much about the en-dash. I'd rather just uses hyphens. (I'd show you the differences, but you can't put en-dashes into blog posts - which kinda goes toward my point of most people not caring.)
But there are people in the world - especially in the editing/proofreading world - where the distinction is important and not to be mucked about with. And I realized, on page 996 of the book I'm working on at my job, that I hadn't been paying appropriate attention to them at the start of the manuscript.
So I started searching for mis-used hyphens and en-dashes. And searching. And correcting the ones that were wrong. And searching some more. For three and a half hours.
Yes, this is my job. Yes, I know that it's important to some people. Yes, I know I should really care. But, mainly, I was doing the re-work to make sure that the author wouldn't complain and make me go back through it again later. Which I guess is a kind of caring.
But I wouldn't send myself a Hallmark card for it.
Last year, while visiting friends in Dallas, I actually had a discussion about this very topic with a friend of mine. We agreed that although... yes... the two types of punctuation are definitely different, and... yes... they do have their purposes, we've never really cared that much about them.
Mainly, I don't care much about the en-dash. I'd rather just uses hyphens. (I'd show you the differences, but you can't put en-dashes into blog posts - which kinda goes toward my point of most people not caring.)
But there are people in the world - especially in the editing/proofreading world - where the distinction is important and not to be mucked about with. And I realized, on page 996 of the book I'm working on at my job, that I hadn't been paying appropriate attention to them at the start of the manuscript.
So I started searching for mis-used hyphens and en-dashes. And searching. And correcting the ones that were wrong. And searching some more. For three and a half hours.
Yes, this is my job. Yes, I know that it's important to some people. Yes, I know I should really care. But, mainly, I was doing the re-work to make sure that the author wouldn't complain and make me go back through it again later. Which I guess is a kind of caring.
But I wouldn't send myself a Hallmark card for it.
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