Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Words of... Well... Not Exactly Wisdom...

I wouldn't (usually) profess to being wise. I would, however, profess to having some fairly random insights into really random things.

Okay, sure, some people might say that I simply rant at random times about strange topics. Po-tay-to/Po-tah-to.

Why don't you decide for yourself by reading through the following 10 moments of Tizdom?

1) If you've just had an accident, you probably shouldn't be staring at your phone to text as you drive away. Or at least wait until the cop is gone before you do.

2) If you grew up loving trilogies, and you've always wanted to write a trilogy, try writing three books. It doesn't count to write a short novel and name it "Blah Blah Blah: A Trilogy."

3) If you feel that something has been done wrong, and the person who did it "wrong" says he didn't know it was wrong, you might get further if you simply explain what to do the next time, instead of yelling about how wrong it is. (Especially when the person you're yelling at can point to the instructions to prove you wrong.)

4) Just because you have headphones in the car does not mean you should use headphones in the car.

5) If you don't want your personal life to be public, don't put all of your personal details on the Internet. The Internet is *not* a private space. How can the rest of the world be expected to keep your secrets if you can't keep them, yourself?

6) Telling someone "I need it tomorrow, and if you can't get it to me I'm going to complain to your boss" when you've already been told that the turnaround time is supposed to be three to six weeks, isn't going to make it get to you any faster. Although it may make it slower.

7) Sometimes, an unexpectedly gorgeous blue sky on a crisp late-spring morning makes carrying a poop bag worthwhile.

8) Yes. If you stop at a green light, or turn in front of me without using a turn signal, or walk into traffic while texting, or ride your bike through the signal into traffic, or cut me off on the freeway, I will honk my horn. Or, if I'm feeling quiet, I may flip you off or simply swear loudly in my car and post about you online. I figure that's probably better for both of us than me running you down and backing over you three or four times and then claiming "temporary insanity."

9) Want a bigger tip? Give me better service. I'm not a haggler or bargainer by any means - and I'll give anyone the benefit of the doubt for possible bad days and all - but if you're going to give me crappy service, you're probably going to get a crappy tip. And I think you should be okay with that.

10) Before you complain about bad workmanship, be sure that you aren't the one who caused the problem. If you caused the scratch by walking into a door, or mis-spelled every instance of "their" because you were sure Spellcheck was right and I - I mean "your editor" - was wrong, or you got the wrong drink because (surprise) you ordered the wrong drink, then suck it up and admit you were wrong. Then get on with your life. That's Accountability 101.

No comments: