Twelve Questions for Twelfth Night

According to the calendar hanging on my closet door, today is "Twelfth Night." You know, as in the twelfth of the twelve days of Christmas.

In the stories and/or mythologies of much of Christianity, this was "Epiphany Eve," since it was the evening before the Magi are said to have shown up on the manger doorstep with those ever-practical baby gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

Traditionally, it's supposed to be the end of the Christmas holiday. And (according to something I just found online), it marked the end of the winter Holidays which started with -- get this -- All Hallows' Eve (aka Hallowe'en).

Be that all as it may, these days I think most of us think of the twelve days of Christmas in the same way: from that song. Yep. These are the days of Christmas which start out with that pear tree-sitting partridge, and end with (at minimum) an extra 50 houseguests; 22 more birds swimming, laying and/or calling; and 5 gold-tone rings.

I've always been kind of fascinated by the whole song. I mean, it's open for a whole lot of interpretation. In the spirit of the day, I pose you the following twelve (-ish) basic questions:

1) Is the gift-giver giving new counts of the same gifts each day? For instance, on day two, do you get 2 French hens and ANOTHER partridge in a pear tree? Or do you just get the hens, with the partridge carrying over from the day before?

2) Are the rings really gold? Or are they just golden?

3) Do all of the people stay forever? Or are they just there to pipe and milk and drum and leap and dance for the duration of the party?

4) Do the maids a-milking come with their own cows?

5) Where do you get a pear tree in the middle of winter, anyway?

6) How can you tell if a hen is French?

7) Are they calling birds? Or are they colly birds? And if they're colly birds, what the heck are colly birds? (I know what a collie dog is, but I'm pretty sure that's not the same thing.)

8) Who decides which order the people show up? Why do some people have 10 lords leaping in, while others have 11?

9) If you don't live near a pond of some kind, how do the swans keep swimming? Or are they brought to you in a big tank, kind of like getting a goldfish in a baggie?

10) Why do those lords leap, anyway? Is it because they're trying to avoid all of the eggs that those six geese keep a-laying?

11) Do you suppose the pipers piping and the drummers drumming are playing something which the ladies dancing can actually dance to?

12) Is the gift-giver financially responsible for the upkeep of all of the gifts? Or is the recipient responsible for tending the flocks, feeding and housing the entertainers, and doing something with all the milk the maids produce?

And, finally, do you suppose any of the days are returnable without a receipt?